(This is a blog post I had written earlier this year and I wanted to repost it on my new blog site since I am deleting the other one.)
With Valentine’s Day upon us I thought I would start with something about love or in my case the lack thereof. I am a divorced, single woman and I have been single for quite some time. Some of this is because of being a bigger girl that is not always the most confident in going out and finding someone and a lot of it is by choice. I met my ex-husband when I was young and spent 6 years with him. I will not be going into what went wrong in your relationship because I don't hate him and respect him enough not to post our life in a blog.
Needless to say in my almost 30 years of life I have been jerked around and treated like crap by my fair share of men, leaving me at times bitter and jaded by love. I know I am not the only woman that has been left this way either, each year creeping by while our friends get married, have kids and all too often get divorced. The divorce rate in America is high we all know this with 50% for first time marriages, 67% for second time marriages and 74% for third time marriages and sadly the numbers are not any better in a lot of countries.
What ever happened to true love and happily ever after? Growing up we are told, and thanks to Disney, watched all these stories of princes and princesses and how falling in love is easy, and it is, but they never show beyond the wedding. They never show the fights, trials, and the compromises that are part of a relationship. Of all the things my parents taught me one of the most important was that being married takes work and they didn't even know they were teaching me. They did not have a perfect life, often times we were so broke they worried about bills being paid for the month or where they were going to get the money to buy Christmas for me and my siblings. There were times my dad was gone for weeks at a time on the road as a truck driver. There was also fighting and arguing with my dad storming off until his temper cooled. But my dad was there until the end with my mom through lung cancer, and then COPD and chronic anxiety that made her unable to work and in the later stages completely home bound her. I know at times it wasn't easy for him or her but they always worked things out and stayed together.
Love, or at least the falling in love part, is easy, it's keeping that love their growing and flourishing that takes work that so many don't want to put into a relationships. We live in a microwave society. We have grown up with everything being instant and fast, our food is instant, our movies are instant, the list could go on. We have become accustom to instant gratification and expect it in everything including love.
Recently I cruised the craigslist personals at the urging of my roommate, probably because she was tired of seeing me lonely, when I came across a gentleman's ad that caught my eye, it was not that he was someone I would date but his ad was unique. He wrote it the context that he was asking cupid for advise, mind you his cupid was drunk, and mouthy, Cupid proceeded to start to give him a questionnaire on what he was looking for but then the drunken cherub decided to renege on his deal with the gentleman. When asked why Cupid's reply was that he did not work in the private sector, instead he contracted out to reality TV because the money was better, leaving love to the dating sites. The man posting the ad wondered what would leave cupid so jaded that he would sell out to the highest bidder. This got me thinking and I sent him a reply to his question, I didn't expect a reply from him and I never got one.
The simple answer to his question is this; Cupid got tired of us human's throwing his gift back in his face. Many do not want the hassle of dealing with a long term relationship they would rather jump from one partner to the next, love is not important just the instant gratification of sex. I can respect some of these folks, some are not ready for a commitment, some have been in a commitment and been burned, and some people are just not made for commitment.
Next you have those that use, there are several different types of these and they generally don't care who they end up hurting. Most don't want a relationship so much as they want someone always there giving them the attention they need, and when that person isn't there they will get it from whoever else is available. There are also the ones that use a relationship to hide the fact they are gay, often trying to convince themselves they are straight as much as they are the world around them.
This next group though is really the reason Cupid has sold out, they are the ones that want relationships. Unfortunately our society has taught us that everything should be quick and easy, and there is one thing that relationships are not and that is easy. Falling in love is the easy part, heck I fell in love with my roommate's new man's laptop last night, and we won't go into how many men I have fallen for over the years in my search for Mr. Right. Staying in love is often the hard part; it takes work and commitment usually a lot more work than we want to put forth, why work at this when we can go find someone else where we won't have to work as hard. As a society we have become self-absorbed, it is all about us, what is in this for us, how will this affect us. We are the "ME" generation, but that type of thinking doesn't work in a relationship because there isn't just not one me involved but two. We don't realize that that you have to think of the other person as well. We take the gift that Cupid gives us and we squander it, throwing it back in his face, and the few that are willing to work at it and realize the precious gift we have been given after get caught in the middle of all of this.
Some find that special someone and live a full life, the rest of us will end up bitter and jaded before we ever come across that person and by then be end up passing them by in our bitter distrust. For now we go to clubs and bar drinking liquid courage trying to catch the eye of someone that might be interested, or scouring dating sites and craigslist trying to find someone who is compatibly. Often we are left disappointed with every hook-up and every message because every one of them is seeking the same thing, they either want just sex or they expect it on the first date. Dating sites are no better than bars 90% of the people there are looking for quick sexual hook-ups while the 10% that are looking for more end up just lonely and disillusioned by the 90%. To many times we are often left hurt and wondering what went wrong. To some it is a game, they will string along their victims, the ones that are searching so desperately for love, they string them along just long enough to get them between the sheets and then leave nothing but a smoke trail and a broken heart.
Looking around at our world I can see why Cupid has sold out. Why should he waste his time with us when we squander the gift he use to give freely? I honestly don't blame him for selling love to the highest bidder; at least his is getting something out of it instead of just getting it thrown back in his face.