Random ramblings of my chaotic mind

My most valuable possession is worth next to nothing to most people. You can’t go buy it at a store or find it on Ebay, it has no monetary value what so ever.  The item that I hold most dear to my heart is an old green and red ledger book that my mom had turned into her cookbook. She gave it to me before she passed away four years ago. Sure there were other things she left me; jewelry and other bric a brac but that book means so much more. Within its stained and faded pages it holds more memories than any picture album. I learned to cook over that old ledger book, many of the stains it carries are from my inexperienced hands dripping, spraying and dropping various foods on its pages. All these years later I couldn’t tell you the first recipe I cooked from its pages but it was probably chocolate chip cookies. I didn’t learn until I was older that it was the same recipe as was on the Toll House chocolate chip bag but she had carefully written it down by hand like every other reci...

Dating for me has always held a lot of anxiety and when I say a lot I mean A LOT. Those first few dates until you know that the guy is actually really interested in you seriously stress me out, heck the time leading up to actually being asked out stresses me out. Part of the reason for this is the fact I tend to over think things, my brain as hard as I try does not shut off most of the time so when I am not occupying it with other stuff it comes up with its own things to think about. These are usually the things that I don’t want to dwell on; ie a criticism from a person, how crappy it is to be single, something stupid/embarrassing  I said, and of course how I acted around a guy I might actually like. I have gotten a little better about it over the years but it still ties my stomach up in knots.                 I know a lot of the problem is the fact I never got to practice at the whole guy/girl social i...